Thursday, April 28, 2005

Anger revisited

I wrote this a few years ago and found it today. Its sort of weird to see what was going through my head back then and how so many things have changed.


Looking out over the lake
no horizon
throwing rocks in anger
frustration
tiny stones, huge rocks
anything I can find
splashing as they enter
the tempest
Plumes of water
mocking the waves
Throwing stones at God
Screams lost in the roaring wind
Letting it go
Throwing it all to the lake
rock by rock by rock
letting it sink
settle
disappear

Monday, April 25, 2005

Darkness becomes weightless

A black blanket of clouds
is walking on the horizon
Rain falling in the distance
Paint smeared on canvas
darkness
drizzling down
I am this storm
I am this rain
Losing myself
drop by drop
spilling onto the ground
mixing with the dirt
making mud

Thursday, April 21, 2005

CAR crash with an SUV

I flew through the windshield
in my mind
but was stopped short
by the glass in my car
My head is pounding
as the tissues inflame
swell
expand
grow
and my head keeps pounding
squeezing my thoughts
into a smaller and
smaller space
claustrophobic
I am thinking of you again
I am thinking in dreams, wishes, fantasies
reality
My thoughts push back against
the pressure and are squeezed
one
by
one
by
one
like drops from a leaky faucet
through the wound in my skull
My head is pounding
the thoughts are leaking out
and I am shaking,
fuzzy and confused
Standing alone in the wreck

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I tree I met yesterday

Is it possible to look upon
the translucent green of a new spring leaf
against the contrast of a cold gray sky
and feel love?
Can you watch the branches intertwine
hundreds of arms frozen in dance,
ready to embrace
and feel joy?
Do you imagine the roots digging, searching
little periscopes on the lookout for life
and feel like you're exactly
the same way?
I watch as the branches bend and sway
in the wind
without breaking
without complaint
I pray I can do the same

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Nonsense

Took a wrong turn on a road
with no exits
found myself driving in circles
in my head
Round and round
Speeding faster through dreams
and fantasies
I close my eyes and feel the force of my body
push my mind in an opposite direction
as I pull through the turns
Feeling weightless and heavy
all at the same time
I let go
I pour myself out on the pavement
And let the sun wash over me

Friday, April 08, 2005

Vertigo

Looking down
past my feet
past my life
a million miles
An inborn urge to let it all go
I want to defy these things that are pulling me
I want to spit in the face of gravity
I want to free fall through this life
I want to throw it
Like rough and jagged stone
And watch it hit the bottom and shatter
Still whole but now
Scattered and indefinite
Free to go where it pleases

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Naked

I take off the clothes of my world
The tools used to hide behind
The pride, the lies, the rage,
The fear
I stand before the mirror
And view myself undressed
Simple and serene
A creation of love
I think to myself: you always become
what you pretend to be
But how can you become something
other than what you are made to be?
How can any of this dress up and make believe
add up to beauty, passion, truth?
I am searching my features in the reflection
The roundness of my soul, the gentle curve
of my hope for the future, the taughtness of the
truth that covers me
I am tempted to run through the streets like this
Naked, pure, and free
Shouting and laughing for others to come and join me
Instead feel the cold seeping in
I shiver and throw on a sweater

Saturday, April 02, 2005

A great man

Today a great man and one of my personal heros has died. Pope John Paul II, was an amazing leader, an advocate for all of humanity, and lover of goodness and justice. He fought for sacredness of all life for his entire life. He gave all of himself to a greater cause. The world was better off for having him in it. May he rest in peace. Lux eternae perpetua.

Friday, April 01, 2005

Simple wind

The air today is thick with memories
A thousand faces, places, dreams
With each breath
The chilly edge to the wind
Enough to make my brain shiver
And shake loose the past
The sweet smell seeps
into my pores
Tiny floodgates
Opening to the future
Drops of hope rushing past
Getting me wet
Soaking my skin
All moments contained in one
Whispering peace